There aren’t many good single men around in New York City. At least, that’s what everyone says to us. When Deanna* moved to the city in late 2021 it was her turn examine if any truth in this claim. After being single for the first time since her long-time boyfriend split with her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. At the same time that a Facebook group called Do You Dating the Same Guy NYC appeared as a must-follow. The group had an intense prescreening questionnaire and community rules that were a bar to entry. It had 43,000 members strong. Deanna was interested, so she joined.
The community
The group was founded with the purpose of helping women check if their romantic prospects were seeing others – was founded in the month of March 2022. A majority of the major US city is home to a similar group and the rules for all are clear: Anyone can be anonymous, not doxxing or sharing sensitive information, and under no circumstances should screenshots be deleted from the group. There is no bullies, no victim-blaming or hateful remarks. Never inform a man that he’s been included in the group. Following the scandal of West Elm Caleb, one of the men with whom a lot of women from New York shared negative dating experiences and connected the dots on the internet, it appeared that a lot of women were searching to find a way to seek out others like him.you can find more here datingfortodaysman.com from Our Articles According to one TikTok user commented at the time This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
That’s more or less what the group had turned into by the time Deanna joined. Each iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a catchall where women can seek guidance on their romantic lives or warn about people with whom they’ve had poor dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is this practice that involves sending other females to try and lure them onto social media – is now a standard. It’s easy to fall down a rabbit hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, tales of hookups gone wrong, and memes about the woes of modern day dating. The most well-known posts consist of photos of a person with his first name, asking who has matched or dated the individual in question. Emojis that have a red flag are a frequent image on infrequent but alarming posts warning of an ex or bad night usually accompanied by the downward arrow, and the terrifying words See comments for more info.
Online dating has dominated our prospects in recent years A recent study revealing that around 39 percent of heterosexual couples have met their partner on the internet. Therefore, it is only natural that the romance element that involves social interaction should be modified to fit the current digital age. Instead of meeting with small groups of acquaintances over a drink or venting with coworkers, we’re now seeking advice from 433,000 women who have had similar, and sometimes exactly the same experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie one of the group member. Not to say there aren’t certain privileges however it was helpful for me to clarify my understanding of dating. This isn’t a race in a way with women who aren’t, and instead holding men to a far higher expectation than I was previously.
It’s obvious to me that certain of the behaviors that’s facilitated and promoted in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be concerning if displayed by prospective suitors. Pictures, information about private messages, and screenshots published with no consent or knowledge are plentiful. People look up social media profiles almost on a daily basis. It doesn’t take long for a date to get taken off the table. While Deanna likes being part of the group, she does have some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she claims. But I think you have to deal with the fact that you can end up with this echo chamber of ‘Men have got us in trouble for so long that we’re willing to give it back.
We still live in an patriarchal society
The world is still a patriarchal culture, so until we’re truly equal those online interactions could result in different effects based on what background each person comes from. Even so, can an online such a group really be proactive in its empowerment on the one hand of the coin, and morally reprehensible outrage on the contrary? Are We Dating the Same Guy? It’s hyperlocal and inter-personal, but only for people who live and meet in the area the group is located in. The women, as well as the men they write about may be your neighbors your coworker, friend family member, or most last Hinge match. However, there’s a feeling of depersonalization inherent in operating on the internet, which makes everything feel like being a game. It’s no stretch to argue that this can be considered as a snub to the dates involved in both groups, especially when details of private conversations, intimate interactions including photos, are being published without their permission or knowledge, and often just for the sake of entertainment.
